Dear Mr _____,

 

Something simply has to be done! I can’t do this anymore. Every day up at five, out to perform yet more drill. Do you even know where they keep us?! It’s absurd. Since a funding crisis eight months ago shut down our barracks we’ve been living and training in the old Tellytubby’s set – basically, picture an over-manicured golf course lousy with fluffy rabbits who, having become accustomed to the salon cut and blow-dry treatment, secured themselves lifetime free monthly styling at Tony and Guys by blackmailing the BBC with threats to go public on La La’s sexual predilections. Read the rest of this entry »